Sunday, October 17, 2010

Part II for those thinking about adoption! (finally)

Well, here we are, finally getting around to Part II. Life can be just a *little* busy with 4 children under 8, so please forgive the week gap in posts.

Where were we?

*If you are Caucasian, and you adopt a Chinese child, you now have a biracial family. While I realize that you may be thinking, duh....

I work for an adoption agency. That means I take about 10-15 calls a week from families interested in bringing a child home. Some, actually, many, are just curious. Just asking details. But about once a week , I get someone who says, "Well, we talked to one agency and they talked about their African American program and I don't think we could really do that. I just don't see how a dark skinned child would fit in our home/community/etc..."

YA'LL. Chinese children are NOT white. Not even close. Not even "closer" than AA children.

When you adopt a child of any different race, you are a bi-racial family. And you have to learn to live as one! And your child will feel just a "different" in an all white classroom, or an all white church, or an all white home, as any other race child.  It is YOUR responsibility to make it purposeful for them to be in places/situations that they are not the only non-white people around. I am sooooo very thankful we go to a mulit-racial, multi-generational church. Seek it out for them!

*Don't expect people to understand where you are emotionally.

Unless you have walked this road, you cannot imagine how hard it is. People will not understand how you can love and long for a child you have never had physical contact with. They won't get why you weep in worship or why you seem on edge 24/7.

I got an email this week from a friend who is waiting to go get her baby girl who has a heart condition. It said:

"My heart just feels heavy and I want to bring her home and feel completely

helpless...Please tell me you have felt this way too!"

You will feel helpless! I can't even count the times I have sobbed in the shower
in the morning, then gotten out, taken a deep breath, thanked the Lord that He is always 
listening and He loves Asher even more than we do, and done "life." Just repeat that over, 
and over.

And ya'll, you can't get mad at people for that. 

Believe me, I've been there. You can get bitter really quick. They just don't get it. They may never get it. 
And that's OK. 
Because the Lord will put people in your path that will understand. 
That will text you scripture because they just know you are having a hard day.
That will let you weep on their shoulder until you feel a little bit better.
Who will cry with you at the airport when you return, just for the sheer JOY of seeing God's
promises fulfilled in this child's life and in the life of your family. 

Those people are out there...and if you don't have one,
call me...I'm always up for a good, "I just want my child home NOW" cry :)


  1. Amen, Emily. Adopting internationally and across racial boundaries is an experience that has to be lived to be understood. And there's really no way to be fully prepared for what happens after your child comes home. Reliance on God is the only way to get through it. Blessings! Petrie

  2. Emily,

    Weeping, crying, and struggling along the way with you! Thanks for putting words to some of the hard stuff in the adoption journey. Thankful to God for my long distance, cyber friends, mentors, and encouragers. So many days that I don't think I could have continued to put one foot in front of the other without them.

    Praying for you too as you wait through these final days before that precious baby boy is home.


  3. great blog, so glad i finally found it. i love the way you share you heart. i try to do the same on our blog.

    so, so excited for you all - what an incredible journey!

    will be praying.
    love, the deLong's