Walking Away: 2 years later

2 years ago today we were walking through the halls of what had been Asher's home for 23 months.

Still in shock over being handed a 17 lb 23 month old who had never had anything solid in his mouth.

Who wasn't walking, talking, or even crying. Whose spine I felt every time I held him.

I was angry. The other child that was adopted from this place on the same day was healthy, chubby, running all over and babbling all kinds of Chinese. And was younger than Asher by a few months. I was anxious to see just what kind of place this was and try to put the pieces together of a very, very fuzzy puzzle.

It was cold and dark inside the building. Colorful but sterile. The staff were sweet, smiling at us, and welcoming.  A nanny walked by with a basin of bottles, with large holes cut out of the nipples so the kids would drink fast and be done so the next chore could be done. Strangely quiet for being "home" to about 100 children.

We didn't get anymore answers to our fuzzy puzzle. All we were told was that they had tried to "fix" his hands, but that "it didn't work." (how exactly you fix missing fingers is beyond me)

*taped to his crib*

But then our time was over. We said our goodbyes. And we participated in one of the greatest miracles I believe I'll ever be a part of:

We walked out of that building with our son.

That my friends, is a miracle.

The Lord had His eyes on this child when he was abandoned in a box. In His Sovereignty, moved the heart of a man to find him, take him to the police station, and then to an orphanage that participated in International Adoption. In a city of 7 million people.

7.million.people.

And we got to be a part of that plan and participate in the miracle. I'll tell you one thing, no one ever struts when they are adopting. Adoption has been the most humbling experience of my life. Hands down. If there's ever any pride in this process, the Lord is not in it. Saying yes to this calling ought to make us fall on our faces to the ground and just weep over how BIG God is and how GOOD He is and how SOVEREIGN He is. And BEG Him for wisdom and understanding on how to love and parent these gifts He's given us.

We got in the van, and drove away that day. Feeling more guilty than I ever have in my entire life that I only had ONE child in my arms. That 100 were still in that place. It did and does still feel, like not enough.

Today, there is healing.
There is eating and running and singing and giggling.
There is peaceful sleep and security.
There are lots and lots of hot wheels.

Revelation 21:5

And He who sits on the throne said, “Behold, I am making all things new.”

The miracle is still unfolding.
Happy 2 years home, Asher Stephen.
God's gonna use you BIG, buddy.
You are indeed fulfilling your name.
Happy and Crowned.

Love,
Mama