Sunday, April 22, 2012

The Other Mama

My (almost) 5 year old daughter has just begun to ask some very thought provoking questions surrounding her birth mother lately. She's my thinking child, so although this doesn't surprise me, I must admit some of the's just say I'm thankful they have come mostly at night in her bed, with the lights she can't the tears that roll down my cheeks. We're entering a whole new chapter in this adoptive parenting journey...and begging for the wisdom and revelation from the Lord to help us wade and part these waters.

And at the same time, I'm often in awe of how the Lord has been preparing us for these moments, long before Ashley came home. I've mentioned before that I worked in the domestic side of adoption for a few years before transitioning over to the international. Over those years, I worked with birth mothers. And you better believe I took mental notes and had dozens of "light bulb, heart pounding, Holy Spirit" moments with these women. Some of them I knew for months and others I met literally in the delivery room or the day after.
But one thing I knew about each one of hard as they tried to hide it, or as openly as they grieved, was that this was a gut.wrenching.process, and one that they would never, ever forget.

One day the Lord gave me this verse:

"Can a mother forget her nursing child? Can she feel no love for the child she has borne? But even if that were possible, I would not forget you!

The very God of the universe in His Word, gave an answer to our children...."did she forget me?"

Can you see it? "even if that were possible...." which's NOT. And even if it were...HE WOULD NOT!!!

Meet little miss "A." She's just a week new y'all and has the most perfect baby skin I've ever seen!!!

Her mama, "M" called me from our church's Crisis Pregnancy Center a few years back. She was pregnant was interested in adoption. We began meeting and a few months later, a baby girl was born. I watched her mama do the most courageous thing a woman can do....hand her child over to another mama and daddy to love and raise as their child. And as I watched her grieve, I prayed deep for the woman that had left my baby girl at the orphanage gate, for someone else to raise. It's as if the Lord just allowed me a glimpse of her grief through these women in my care.

A year later, she called back. Pregnant again. And choosing life for her child, a few months later I stood in the L&D hallway yelling for them to run FAST because their son was about to be born. And she did it again, this time knowing full well the grief to come. Don't miss that this girl had made some very poor choices, but she had made the most important one for her children....LIFE. 

This time around, she's ready to be a mama. Her and her family will raise baby A and get to experience all she hasn't gotten to with her other children. And rest assured, she has not forgotten them....their pictures hang on her walls....and as I left her house, I wondered if Ashley's birth parents had photos of her....she wasn't abandoned as a newborn....I'd never wondered that before. 

And when questions come, that I don't have answers too, I go to the Word. That tells me that it is impossible for a mother to forget her child. And it drives me to pray deep for the two women, that will never know this side of heaven, how the Lord had His eyes on these babies, and how He placed them where they are loved and treasured.

Oh how I wish I could send you pictures. For your walls.

 Just so you would know. 

Thanks for the reminder, are one of the bravest women I've ever met, sister. 


  1. You made me cry. My five year olds are starting to ask me also and I don't always know what is right to say just pray God leads me for them. Thank you.

  2. I was 15 when my biological mom (Karla) got in a terrible car accident. I hadn't had any contact with her, nor had my mother, since the day that the papers were signed when I was almost 4. Somehow (pretty sure God put it there) my mom's phone number was written on a piece of paper in the bottom of her purse & was the only number for the hospital to call to notify anyone. Against my stubborn 15 yr old will, my momma drove me to Ohio so I could meet "my other momma" --- and though I could have lived without seeing her in that hospital bed... there was a moment on that trip that I'm not sure I could have been the same today without.

    I was sitting in the waiting room when a young adult woman came in and asked the receptionist if she was in the right room -- and then she looked at me and said nevermind. I had never seen her before --- but she looked at my mom and said I knew I was in the right place when I saw Sonya sitting there, all grown up. Karla's kept a picture of her in a frame on her night stand as long as I've known her.

    {Sonya is my first name, the name she called me}

    I let alot of anger go that day. I don't think it was until that moment that I understood that she did love me & that she always had & always would.


  3. Jay <3 LOVE THAT! The Lord knows and hears, He is preparing YOU now!

  4. Praying that God prepares her sweet little heart as furtile ground as He shows her little by little His hand of compassion and faithfulness in her story. Praying that God continues to prepare you for the countless questions in your future.

  5. Emily, thank you for your post and that wonderful verse. Heart wrenching .
    Jay, beautiful.