Monday, February 13, 2012

No Debate

This post has been being written over and over again in my brain several times over the last few months. Last night I couldn't sleep at all over it, so it's time to get it out and put it to rest so I can get some rest! Way to often recently, an ugly debate has been raising its head on social network sites and quite honestly, I believe it grieves the Lord, and fuels the enemy's fire to steal kill and destroy.

Domestic Adoption
International Adoption

If you have sensitive toes, you may want to stop reading about now. Because some things just need to be said. 

First of all:

This is an argument we should NOT be having
Disunity in the Body of Christ is a disgrace to the Lord. John 17:23 says that by our unity, the world will know that we are Christians and they would know how much we love people. Ephesians 4:13 says that unity is a sign of maturity. We are immature believers if we are arguing over this issue. We are NOT showing the world Jesus and we are NOT showing the world how much He loves them. If you want to talk to a family about their motivations behind one or the other, do it in private. I am 100% willing to bet that you will come to complete understand about their reasoning. At the end of the day, this argument only brings DISTRACTION from the real issue....every child deserves a family. And the enemy is having a party if he can take the focus off these children, and onto one another and ridiculous arguing.

No one child is more deserving than another.
I have worked for an adoption agency for 5 years now. The first three were spent in the domestic program. Over the course of that 3 years, I got to be in the delivery room 32 times to welcome precious children into this world. I took custody of 32 babies and handed over the majority of those tiny, squirming infants into the arms of adoptive mamas and daddies. I helped new parents figure out infant car seats and walked sobbing birth mothers out of the hospital and drove them home. Often times, the birth mom didn't want to see the newborn. I spent many hours, in empty L&D rooms, with fresh newborns, rocking and praying over them, assuring them that they had a family coming. And they always did. More often than not, I was in tears as well just watching the process. 
Those babies are just as orphaned as the ones in China. They are no more deserving of a family......and to say, "why go overseas when you can adopt right here in your neighborhood" is a very western, selfish, american, ugly, thing to say. 
NO one child is more deserving than another.
 I dare you to look at my children and say that they were less deserving because they were born in China. I  bet not one person who has made that statement above would believe that if they spent one hour with my kids. Adoption is a picture of the very gospel....and to say one person is more deserving than another is a slap in the face to our call to care for the orphan. People who make this debate would never comment on a missionaries post and say, "why are you going to serve overseas when there are people right here who need Jesus?" Doesn't that sound absurd? It sounds just as absurd when you ask it of the orphan. 

Families go where God calls them.
Why did we adopt from China? 
We had children there.
The Lord made that crystal clear.
We would've gone to China, Africa, Arkansas, or the North Pole if the Lord had asked us to. The Lord calls us the Body of Christ....we each have a function. If we were all called to the same place and the same thing, the world would be boring and lots would go undone. If we were all called to care for China's orphans, the rest would go unnoticed. When families call me and ask about the process, the first thing I say, every single time, is "pray about WHERE." Then call me back when God tells you, and we'll move forward. Praise the Lord we are all called to different places!!! We get to be His hands and feet right here in our backyards and overseas!!! That ought to make us rejoice, not debate!! 

Be respectful and prayerful.
People need Jesus. Children need families. Families need children. Before you take a stab at an adoptive parents motivation, consider what YOU might do. If you look around and you aren't doing a thing, please keep your opinions to yourself. Adoptive parenting is HARD ENOUGH. Adoption brings baggage. Even to a two day old infant. It's a lifetime process and is a beautiful thing. It's a good hard. Instead of debating, we should be praying for one another. Asking the Lord what we can do. Holding the hand of a broken mama who's birth mom has changed her mind, and the baby has to go back. Bringing dinner to the family who just came home from two weeks overseas and can't get their days and nights turned back around. Serve one another! (1 Peter 4:10)

Toes ok?

Put it to rest, friends. Give it up. Let it go. If you are called to this road, celebrate it with one another. It will change you.......and it's not a glamorous life. Adoption changes the way you see the Lord, changes your checkbook and how you spend your money, and gives you a burden that some days is all consuming. If you haven't been on this road, respectfully keep your opinions to yourself. Be the Body of Christ that we are called to be to one another and to a dying world that needs Jesus like nobody's business. And if we are going to fight over something, let it be:

                                               Philippians 1:27
Above all, you must live as citizens of heaven, conducting yourselves in a manner worthy of the Good News about Christ. Then, whether I come and see you again or only hear about you, I will know that you are standing together with one spirit and one purpose, fighting together for the faith, which is the Good News.

(my lil fighter:)


  1. Enjoyed reading this Emily! Great words to share with all! May God continue to Bless you in this ministry HE has placed in your heart. and may it open the eyes of all who read this! Your kids are precious!!!

  2. I love, love, LOVE this post!!!!

  3. Well said, Emily! To Him be the glory.

  4. Thank you for posting this Emily! Beautifully written.

  5. great post, and can you blog more, it really ministers to me :) please and thanks :) :)

  6. Excellent!!! Thank you for taking the time to write it out!!!

  7. Very nice post. You go where you are called. Or sometimes, you go where it works best for your family. YOUR family. Each is different and has different needs.
    I wrote a post on this issue last summer. Here's the link, if you care to read it:

  8. Excellent arguments, Emily. It's just so crystal clear when you say it. Now if I could be ready with the strength of your reply when people ask me...all will be well. I really think people who ask that dumb question are honestly ignorant and need some teachin! As long as we say the truth with gentleness and love, we should be good. Thanks!
    mother of 2 bio kids and
    a precious one from Jiangsu, China

  9. Emily - This is so well written and so true. Would you be willing to let us repost this on WAGI? Since you've already contributed in the past, we can use your same bio and pic.
    Just let me know!
    co-administrator of WAGI
    smurphy 28 @ juno . com

  10. Emily - I loved this post! Thanks for sharing your heart and Christ's desire for the church to have unity. I just wanted to let you know that this post will go live on WAGI's website tomorrow. If you have any questions, you can email me.


    abbylakers @ gmail . com

  11. Thank you Abby! May the Lord use it!

  12. Read this over on WAGI, FANTASTIC post. I remember when we first announced that we were adopting from China and another adoptive mom (domestic) actually asked why we weren't adopting here in the US. My mouth just about dropped open. This was very well written, thank you!

  13. Summed up my thoughts exactly!!! Amen!!!!

  14. this is awesome! thanks for putting my thoughts down so much more clearly than i ever could have! LOVE IT!!!!!

  15. Well said! My husband and I have been asked this question many times. We are leaving next Friday to get our son who is in china. He is 7. The fact that his is "older" raised eyebrows. Thank you for this post. Definitely something that needed to be said.

  16. Love this posting. Thanks for bringing us all together as we should be.